Reflections on the Water

It seems as though it happens too often sometimes. . . .

Twice in one week during this past month, a friend had to say their final earthly good-bye to their husband.  Then, another friend had to do the same with her dad.  That same week, we made the decision to begin hospice care for my own dad - and just seven days later, he was gone from us . . . .

I've watched my friends as they have had to walk the path on which God had set them.  I've listened carefully to the things that have been said, knowing well that certain statements are more than the sum of their words.  I've paid attention, too, to the things that weren't being said, because - sometimes - it is those things that speak volumes.

My heart has ached deeply for each one as they have come to every juncture along the way.  I believe there is a different level of empathy  when you have walked a similar path - it gives deeper meaning to the scripture that tells us to 'weep with them that weep.'  (Romans 12:15)  The empathy comes close to being the original feelings from my own journey. . . .  I've had many nights of reduced sleep and many not-so-productive days as my heart has been heavy for my friends and my thoughts and prayers have been focused on them.

There have been points in time where I start to beg God to give people more time -- but more time may mean more suffering.  It is heart-rending to watch someone suffer -- it is equally heart-rending to know that the suffering will only end when they have taken their last breath on Earth and are no longer with us!  Do we desire more time as they suffer or an end to their suffering which means we must say good-bye for now??  Had someone been able to present me with those options, I couldn't have chosen either one.  That is where those two words that I've held onto become so very vital:  Trust and Surrender.

I choose to trust that God has a plan and that His plan is best.  I choose to surrender to His will and His timeline - to surrender my own plans and my own strength.  In those things I can rest.  God can be trusted -- He cannot lie, He is always good, and He never changes.  I can trust Him to work His will in His time.  When I surrender, it saves precious energy.

So instead of begging God for more time, I thank Him for being good and for having a plan and for His way being perfect.  (Psalm 18:30)  I thank Him for His grace and strength that I know He gives to those who choose to trust in Him.

I realize that all sounds very simple and cliche, but as I heard it put once, 'It is simple -- it just isn't easy.'  Simple and easy are two very different things.

I don't want anyone taking those statements and using them against someone else -- Don't tell someone that if they would just trust and surrender, everything would be fine.  Trusting God and surrendering to Him does make it easier  than if we resist Him, but there is no easy  way though any of this!  The reality is that suffering, grief, and loss are HARD !  Going through those things is also exhausting - in every way - and to an extent that words fail to describe.  I was able to see one of my dear friends for just a few minutes the day after her husband's memorial service.  I hugged her, told her I loved her and was praying for her, and then made a comment about words being inadequate.  She responded with, "But the exhaustion runs so very deep!"  Yes - it does.  I remember well - and even as an observer to another's journey, it comes again.

As I spent a weekend sitting with my dad, and in the days following, these thoughts have been foremost once again.  It it a privilege  to get to show care to someone - at any age or stage.  It is so very hard to watch someone's body wear out and fail -- especially when that body has been the 'soul carriage' for someone you love.

Because we live in a fallen world, death is a part of our reality.  We all face death for ourselves and for those around us.  Our only escape from death is after we have crossed over into eternity, having trusted Christ as Savior.  Until then, we will encounter and endure suffering, loss, and grief.  As we trust God and rest in His will, we also experience His love and comfort.

I am grateful for my God who loves me and never changes.  I'm grateful He can be trusted to have a plan and to work things out in His perfect way.  I am grateful that God gives us His presence and comfort as we walk the difficult paths of life. . . .

Blessed be God, even the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies, and the God of all comfort;
Who comforteth us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort them which are in any trouble, by the comfort wherewith we ourselves are comforted of God. 

II Corinthians 1:3-4

A New Year

The year of 2013 has come to an end.  At its beginning, we never could have envisioned the things we would encounter throughout its course.  It was quite a year.

I know God was with us each step of the way.

The past couple of weeks have been busy.  Trent's memorial service was on Dec. 20th.  So many people, both near and far away, showed great love and support. 

Immediately following, we were busy with preparations for Christmas.  I kept things as simple as possible.  Christmas Eve, we attended church together; and Christmas Day, the four of us had a nice, quiet day at home.  It has been good to be back together.

Today, I returned to the 2-year-old Children's Church class.  I've missed 'my kids'.  I have worked in this class for almost 16 years.  Trent and I used to work it together.  I wasn't sure how it would feel going back in there, but it felt good -- good to be back in a place of ministry.

I have been asked a couple of times how life feels now.  I don't have an answer for that question.  There is no doubt that life is different now; but the fact is that our lives have been so far removed from 'normal' for so long that there just isn't a comparison.  Life is just life - one day at a time.  There have been several adjustments -- and there will be many more.  We will face each one as it comes.

We are still working on establishing that 'new normal'.  This week, school will resume, and I think it will be good for the kids to get back in that routine.

Through everything that 2013 was, I am thankful for the ways that God revealed Himself to us.  He worked in our lives in a big way.  I hope that we learned the lessons He had for us.  I hope I will always remember His Presence and Grace and Peace that He afforded us.

I don't know what 2014 holds for us, but I don't worry about it.  I know that God has a plan for us for this coming year.  I pray we will be open to His leading in our lives.  I pray God allows us to be a blessing to others this coming year as so many have been to us.

The End of the Path

The last several days were marked by consistent decline.  The delirium had returned.  Trent's overall condition was very much like the day I brought him to the hospital at the end of October.  (End in Sight)  There were also new issues that we did not deal with back then.

I let our pastor know.  I called family.  I sat with him - watching and listening.  I watched for signs of discomfort because he wasn't able to articulate what he was feeling.  I listened to his breathing.  I listened to his words, most of which stemmed from the delirium.  I tried to calm his frustrations that were coming from the strange messages his brain was sending him. 

Yesterday was definitely a more difficult day.  I knew we were incredibly close to the end.  I did my best to keep him comfortable.  The kids came for a brief visit.

I sat by his side during the night.  I dozed off here and there.  About 6:20 this morning, I was suddenly awake.  I knew.  Trent's suffering is finished.  He rests in the arms of his Savior.

I called my pastor, and we made plans for meeting with the kids.  There simply is no easy way to have that conversation, but it went as well as could be expected.  I am grateful far beyond words for the incredible support of our pastor and his wife.

So far today, it has been all about the details.  There are still many details to which I need to attend.

God has shown His incredible goodness and grace through all of this, including the timing and surrounding circumstances.  He is good!

Thank you so much for all of your prayers.

One Day at a Time

This past week was a little more difficult.  Thanksgiving Day certainly was different than any other holiday observance.  There were a few visitors and phone calls, but mostly, the day was quiet - quieter than usual since several of the residents were gone to be with their families.

The fact that it was a holiday week gave place to thinking about all of the changes that have occurred this year -- and those yet to come.

Of course, Thanksgiving marks the beginning of the 'Holiday Season'.  That, in itself, is hard to process.  I can't make plans.  At this stage of life, there isn't even a small degree of what can be 'reasonably expected'.  The best I can do is to formulate a few vague 'If / Then' scenarios.

Last week, Trent's wedding ring would no longer stay on his finger.  I asked him if he wanted me to wrap it with tape so it would stay on.  He handed it back to me and told me he didn't need it.  I had tried to mentally prepare myself for the fact that I would need to remove his ring at some point, but I was totally unprepared for him to hand it back to me.  It was hard.

Yesterday, there was a marked increase in Trent's level of fatigue and weakness. 

I think one of the hardest things I deal with is not knowing exactly where we are in this journey.  It requires me to continually surrender myself to the timeline that God has for us.

I've said it before, but it bears repeating:  The greatest comfort through all of the uncertainties that we have been through has been knowing, without a doubt, that God is in control and that He has a plan for our lives and that He loves us and will work His plan in His time.  Daily we see God's goodness to us.  He continues to provide for our needs and shows us His love through those who He has placed in our lives.

We appreciate your prayers for us as we continue our journey.

Thanksgiving

People are focusing on things for which to be thankful this time of year.  While I don't disagree that it is a good thing to set aside time to focus on the blessings and to be thankful, I do think we would all benefit from keeping that more of a continual practice than simply an annual event.

For me, the past several months have been just that -- a time to focus on and be thankful for the blessings.  I believe the Lord started that work in my heart before Trent's surgery.  When I wrote my original post about this journey that we've been on, I told how I had thanked God for His Love, Care, and Total Control the night before the surgery and how I felt impressed to do the same the night following surgery.  (New Path)

All along this journey, God has shown me His Goodness.  Focusing on the blessings allows me to have that Peace that passes our human understanding, and then my spirit can rest in His Care.  This has been a continual exercise.

My dear friend Valerie visited with me today, and we talked about this.  I had mentioned that I have to continually surrender to God's plan and His timing in all of this.  She asked me what process I go through in doing that.  I'm not very good at putting things into words, but the best way I can explain it is to say that I have to turn my issues (worries and stresses and concerns) into thankfulness. 

~When I am feeling crushed by the weight of something I have to deal with, then I thank God for His Strength and Grace for each situation.

~When I become overwhelmed thinking about the future (near or far), I have to stop and thank God for today - for that moment.  I also thank Him for having a plan for our lives - individually as well as collectively.

~When I struggle with the fact that I can't meet everyone's needs all of the time and I feel so inadequate and when my youngest tells me he wishes I were more than one person so I could be two places at once, I have to thank God.  I thank Him that He IS enough and that He IS everywhere all at the same time.  I thank Him for the people that He has placed in our lives to walk along side us and meet some of those needs.

~There are too many aspects to mention here, but so many of the burdens I have are lifted when I thank God for His Total Control over all of the details in our lives, and I ask Him to help me to rest in His Care.


I could never name them all, but here are a few of the things for which I am incredibly thankful:

• God, who Loves us, Cares for us, and Controls all of those things which we cannot control -- and Who never changes

• People who have cared for our children, provided them with a diversion from the weightiness of life right now, or given them stability and a sense of normalcy when life is anything but normal

• People who have brought food for our family and who have helped with yard work

• Friends and family, both near and far away who love us and who pray for us

• People we've never met who are praying for us

• Doctors, nurses, and staff who genuinely care

• Needs that have been met

• Good counsel

• Encouragement

• Peace

• Grace

When the End of the Path is in Sight

It appears that the end of this path may be in sight.  I don't like to look ahead to it.

This week brought changes again.  On Sunday and Monday, Trent was still recovering from the high doses of medication he had been given on Saturday.  We continued this week trying to manage the nausea and vomiting.

Wednesday night, Trent was insistent that he was going to church.  Considering how the day had been and how he was feeling, I thought he would give up on that idea.  He was adamant that he wanted to go.  I had my doubts as to his strength to be able to go, but since he was so determined, I decided I would do my best to make it happen.  We arrived late and left during closing prayer.  Trent was absolutely, completely wiped out from the effort. 

Thursday morning, Trent was still exhausted, and I expected that.

Thursday night things changed.  Trent went from his state of being sleepy and 'loopy' from the medication to being severely confused.  There was also a definite change in his eyes.  On Friday morning, he was still severely confused, but he was also unsteady and very emotional.

Trent was scheduled for more IV fluids on Friday, and he said he wanted to try to make that appointment.  We had his usual infusion nurse, Heidi, and she was visibly taken back by the change in him.  She started his IV, and we talked.  For some reason, the Hospice nurse was delaying calling me back; and that did not set well with Heidi.  Heidi got the Hospice nurse on the phone, and I could hear her as she told the Hospice nurse that she MUST get someone out there to evaluate Trent that day!  Heidi walked us out to our van and offered to step in if our Hospice nurse did not take action.

In summary, the nurse did come to the house and the decision was made to have Trent admitted for evaluation.  My biggest issue was wanting to know where we were in this.  The nurse had her opinion; down to the very core of my being, I felt differently.  I was glad we were going in.

Hospice admits directly, so we did not have to go to the ER or stand and wait in the Admitting line.  We arrived, and I brought Trent directly to the floor.  We were greeted by familiar faces.

The Lord worked things so beautifully!  Our regular Palliative doctor, Dr. Illig, 'happened' to be the one on call for the weekend, and she just 'happened' to be on the floor when we arrived.  When she saw Trent's name, she came right to us -- she was in our room within minutes.  Trent was pleased when he saw her.  We talked about what had been going on.  Then she asked me to step in to the hallway to talk.  Her 'gut' feeling is that we have entered an active end-of-life stage, and she believes we are looking at anywhere from hours to days.

I started making phone calls -- our pastor, Trent's dad and brothers, my sister, and one of Trent's best friends from college.  I made sure my sister was bringing the children up to the hospital.

When the kids arrived, I told them that Dr. Illig had been in to see Daddy and that she just doesn't know how much more Daddy's body can take because it has been through so much and had gotten so weak.  (The conversations you never imagine having . . . .)

Trent's parents and brothers were able to come to the hospital as well as one of his uncles and an aunt.  There were tears and prayers and serious things -- and even a little laughter.

Trent was so very tired, and I encouraged him to lie back and sleep.  He told me he didn't want to sleep because he didn't know if he would wake up.  I reminded him that he will wake up -- it is just a matter of whether he will wake up here with his family or in Heaven with his Savior.

I sat by Trent's side all through the night.  I dozed off a few times, but mostly I sat and listened to his breathing.

Today is a day of just 'sitting tight'.  We wait to see what the day will bring.  We feel loved by friends and family both here and far away.  We trust in our God and rest in His plan and in His peace and comfort.

Contrary Winds

I have been quiet on here lately because our circumstances have been a bit tough.  I needed to get some things taken care of before I could share with people in general.

I will spare you all the details, but I will summarize by saying that Trent's care has been transferred to a Hospice team.

Our pastor met with us, as a family, to talk to the kids this week.  I explained to them that the cancer was growing fast and that Dad's doctors were concerned.  I told them that we would be having a "Hospice Nurse" come to the house and explained that these nurses are specially trained to help people feel as good as they can for as long as they can through the end of life.  I reminded them that God is still in control - no matter the outcome, and that He loves them so very much.  I told them I wanted them to know that, even though there will be tough days, they can trust that God will give them grace and strength for each step we have to take.  I reminded them, too, that no one knows how long any of us has to live, but that each day we have is a gift from God and we need to live it the very best we can.  As difficult as that conversation was to have, I really couldn't have asked for it to go any better than it did.  I am grateful, too, for a pastor who takes the time and makes the effort to make sure our kids know how much he loves them and cares for our family.

After we had talked with the kids, we talked to the rest of the family.  We then began letting others know, as well.

Thursday of this week was the day that we signed the paperwork for Hospice.  Trent was uncomfortable with pain, and he asked me to sign for him.  Some were no big deal, but some of those were papers I really did not want to sign.  And then there is the POLST order.  It ensures that, when the time comes, there will be no questions asked and no investigation, and it is to remain visible in the home.  A constant reminder . . . .

It was nice, though, how quickly the Hospice team sets things in motion.  Before we had even gotten the paperwork signed, our sweet nurse, Jenna, was on the phone with the Hospice physician asking for new orders to better manage Trent's pain and nausea.  Within 15 minutes, the medication orders were in and scheduled to be delivered by courier. 

Hospice offers several benefits.  It means we no longer have to travel to appointments and get prescriptions on paper.  There are no more trips to the pharmacy - not even for the over-the-counter meds like Prilosec or Miralax -- all of these items will be delivered by courier directly from the hospital.  It means much more aggressive treatment of symptoms and more liberal dosing of medications.  It means no more trips to the ER.  It means that, if he gets in another 'pain crisis', we will have immediate help at our fingertips.

The past couple of weeks have been intense emotionally.  There have been moments when I felt I couldn't go through what I was facing, but I have to remind myself of what I already know -- God will give me His strength when mine fails.  The weaker I am, the more He can perfect His strength in me.  My independent spirit doesn't like feeling weak.  The more submissive side of me knows it is okay as long I seek strength from the right source.

As difficult as some of the moments have been recently, I still know that God is in control and that He has a purpose for every part of this.  I want to walk this path in such a way that God's love and grace are allowed to shine through the circumstances, drawing people to Him.

Navigating

Last week was very different than we anticipated.

Monday was a tough day for managing pain, but we received the TENS unit that had been ordered and tried it out that afternoon.  The difference it made was amazing.  Trent felt good, and he even went to church that night.  He was just starting to feel some pain when we were coming home that evening.  I gave him his meds, and I thought he'd be able to get a nice night's sleep.  That was not the case. 

Shortly after he took the medications, he told me that he felt 'blah' and that his legs felt a little crampy.  He told me to go on to bed and said he'd join me in just a little while after he took a bath to ease his legs.  What actually happened is that he fought all night long with horrible pain, and he didn't wake me.  I heard him around 5 a.m. and got up to see what was happening.  He was literally beside himself with pain.  I asked him a few questions and watched him for a short time.  I decided we needed help, and I told him that I was taking him to the ER -- the 2nd trip in just a couple of days.

Even after they gave him medications there, it still took his body a while to settle down.  I prepared myself for the doctor to say that the pain had settled and they were sending him home -- I was ready to protest that.  Fortunately, I did not have to do that.  This doctor was very careful in his handling of the matter and took the initiative to contact both the oncologist's office and the palliative care doctor's office.  His decision was to keep Trent to make sure we did not have a repeat episode once we left the hospital.  I was thankful for that.

Trent's palliative doctor, Dr. Illig, was in his room within an hour of him being admitted.  She has been so concerned and compassionate.  I feel incredibly blessed by the doctors that we have been assigned.   Dr. Illig suggested that Trent was experiencing an opoid toxicity from his pain medicine and / or he reacted badly to the steriod that he had been on.  Without those two meds, he was feeling much better.  It was suggested to us that we talk with the department in oncology that provides the home-care nurses.  This department of nurses is licensed to provide 24-hour accessibility and they can call the doctors directly as well as bring medications to our home instead of us having to made middle-of-the-night ER visits because the pain is uncontrolled.  As much as I hope we don't have any more incidences of uncontrolled pain, I know it is a possibility.  It is something to consider.

We were in the hospital until Thursday morning -- we got out just in time to make his appointment with his oncologist.  This was the appointment to get his latest scan results.  The scan showed that there had been some additional growth -- nothing alarming, but growth nonetheless.   Trent is not making any changes at this point.  Dr. Kubiak discussed again the fact that there is a 'window of opportunity' for choosing chemo and that, once that window closes, it does not open again.  She shared with us her thoughts on that 'window'.  We meet with her again in 2 more weeks.  At that same time, we will meet with Dr. Illig again, and the social worker wants to visit with us again, as well.

We are still struggling with pain control.  Things continue the way they have been -- every time we think we have a plan, things change.  I continue to pray for wisdom as I help Trent make decisions and try to find solutions.  Yesterday was a rough day with pain again, but we were eventually able to get it under control.  However, last night, Trent was able to sleep 6 hours un-interrupted -- Truly a blessing beyond what words can express!

We have been offered the opportunity to place the kids in the Christian school this year.  Trent has decided that is what we are doing.  Big changes for everyone.  Two of the three are excited.  The third one wants to be excited, but he's not sure about the changes.  He'll come around.  The kids started school today, and I am eager to hear about their days.

Right now, I'm going to take a few minutes to just be.  No pressures for the moment.  I think I'll make a cup of coffee and have my quiet time and relish the moments of quiet.

First Steps and Light on the Path

Those first days out of the hospital were days of adjusting.  We had to figure out exactly how we would set things up to be best for Trent.  The kids had to adjust to being back home.

My parents came for a couple of days to celebrate Nathaniel's 12th birthday.  They kept the kids at the hotel with them and we came and went as Trent felt up to doing so.

Healing was slow, but day eleven was the turning point.  We were seeing noticeable progress.  Now we just had to wait for the next steps in the plan -- scans and a consult; then we would meet with our oncologist again.  We were eager to have these steps done -- it would feel good to have a concrete plan in front of us.

We were going through life as normally as possible.  Making plans as best we could, but everything was tentative.

Funny how that works -- The truth of the matter is that all of life is unknown, but we certainly don't live like it is.  We live like we know what will happen, but the reality is that we don't know.  Something like this just puts that fact in front of us and forces us to acknowledge it more.

The days went by while we were waiting to hear about our next appointments.  Waiting is not always easy -- especially for someone whose brain rarely - if ever - shuts off.  I want to see the big picture start to finish.  I am a problem solver by nature, so as different scenarios pop up in my mind, I naturally try to envision plans and solutions.  It is those moments when I'm trying to think too far ahead that I get overwhelmed.  My dear, sweet pastor's wife - my friend - said to me, "It's like you're on a path, and there's a bend up ahead.  You're trying to see around the bend, and you aren't even to the bend yet."  I knew that was true.  God gives us grace for today -- not for tomorrow (because we're not there yet) and not to continually re-live the life-changing moments of the recent past.  I had to force myself to turn off that automatic replay that my mind wanted to do -- the replay of Dr. Colbert's words and the replay of those initial phone calls.  Those were past.  I needed to focus on today.

We also had many opportunities to talk with each other.  We talked about focusing on today.  We determined that we need to be set on not wasting today by worrying about what might happen tomorrow.   We also talked about being thankful through all of what was going on and about the fact that we may never know the 'why' of it all, but we need to make sure we are open to what God has for us through this.

The day came with the phone call for our consult and scan appointments.  Finally, it felt like we were moving forward.  We were looking forward to this appointment.  We would get his recommendation for type, administration, and duration of chemo.  What we got was very different.  This doctor's recommendation was more surgery.  Not just more surgery, but very radical surgery.  He wanted to open Trent and remove all visible spots of cancer -- including part or all of affected organs -- he could come out of surgery without a spleen or abdominal lining or gall bladder and minus parts of his stomach, intestines, diaphragm, etc.  Following the removal of all of this tissue, they would flood his abdomen with a heated chemo solution for 90 minutes.  After that, they would flush it out, stitch him up, and we would be scheduled for 6 months of systemic chemo.  My poor husband was floored by the recommendation, and he didn't even look like he could carry on a conversation at that moment.  I stepped in and asked a few questions and made a few comments.  I kept thinking, "What is there going to be left after you get through with all of this?"    This doctor also confirmed that the type of cancer that Trent is dealing with has an extremely low responsiveness to chemo.  As we left, Trent was still very overwhelmed by what he felt he was being told that he had to do.  I stopped him right there in the hallway and told him that he didn't have to do anything.  If he didn't feel comfortable with the surgical option, we wouldn't do it.  Period.  I would never tell him that he should have done it, either.  Much of the rest of that day was spent discussing what the specialist had said.  By evening, Trent had definitely decided that he would NOT be doing the surgical option.  It was a burden lifted from him, for sure.  I would never tell him what he needed to do with this, but I was pleased that this was his decision. We would wait and plan for standard, systemic chemo after we met with the oncologist.

The next step was new scans the next week.  We would get those results when we met with our oncologist the week after that.

We had already been discussing the fact that we needed to decide on a plan to support Trent's health while he was going through chemo.  A friend had told us that she knew of a chiropractor who dealt specifically with cancer patients.  Trent asked me to contact her and get the information.  There was a free informational meeting that the doctor was having that evening.  At the end of the meeting, Trent told me that he really wanted to know more, and so we set up a consult with the doctor.  His treatment uses RIFE therapy.  I had read about this before, so I was familiar with the basic concept.  After having been told by three doctors that, essentially, chemo wouldn't work but that it was the best they could offer, the thought of doing all that damage to his body and getting minimal - if any - benefit made chemo less and less appealing all the time.  Trent was drawn to the fact that there was no physical detriment with this treatment.  Finances were the only barrier.  Since it is 'alternative' treatment, it will be all out-of-pocket.  Dr. Conners said he could start treatment if we could cover the cost of the equipment, and then we could make payments on the balance.  The amount they needed was very close to what I had in our 'catastrophic' savings.  We decided to go ahead with this treatment plan.

As they started the process with Trent, he looked at me and said, "This is the first time since all this started that I feel like there's hope."    Priceless.

We met with our oncologist, Dr. Kubiak, this week.   We got the scan results -- one nodule has increased in size by 3 mm, there was no evidence of disease (NED) in the chest.  We informed her of our decision to pursue alternative therapy at this point.  She disagrees with our choice -- we expected that.  She was, however, very respectful with the questions that she asked and the statements she made.  She wants to have more frequent scans than she would if we chose the 'traditional' route, and we are fine with that. 

So, for the moment, we have a direction.  It feels like there is a light on our path.  The future is still unknown, but it would be with or without this diagnosis. 

I have felt compelled to focus on the blessings.  There really are so many of them -- some of them are 'big' and some of them are 'small', but they are all blessings, and I want to be conscious of them.

I sense, through all that we have gone through, that the LORD is asking us to just trust.  It is a matter of trust whether we chose this route or the route of chemo, because the majority of the disease in Trent's body is undetectable by scans and there are no indicators in his blood work, either.  We just simply have to TRUST.  That's not a bad place to be, and I am at peace with wherever God is leading us down this path.  God is Love and He is All Wise and All Knowing.  We are in His hands, and He will never let us go.

Even in the Valley . . . .

My youngest son has decided on a new favorite song recently that talks about God being good even in the hard times of life. I'm sure, at his age, that he really cannot even begin to comprehend what the song truly means. He is far too young to have experienced any of those hard times. Part of me wishes for him to never know those difficult seasons of life. The other part of me knows there is so much value -- so much to be learned by going through those difficult times. There is much that can only be learned by experiencing hard things. I also know that life does not happen for very long without those hard things. They do yield good things - if we let them. Psalms 119:67, 71 says: " Before I was afflicted I went astray: but now have I kept thy word. . . . . . It is good for me that I have been afflicted; that I might learn thy statutes."

I'm thankful for a loving, all powerful God who makes those choices for our lives. He knows what is best! I can trust Him to do what is best both for me and for my children. I can pray, too, that my little son will always remember those words which he parades around singing; and that when the difficult times come, he will be looking for the goodness of God -- knowing with all his heart that God IS Good -- Even in the Valley.