More times than I can count, I have said that we are taking life, "One day at a time." We really are doing our best to do just that -- to live today as God has given it to us.
In a sense, though, so much of life now feels like we are living in a holding pattern. It seems we are always waiting -- waiting for the next appointment; waiting for the next scan; etc. Right now, we are waiting for an appointment with the Palliative Care doctor. I would like to see what options we can have for non-narcotic pain control. Our oncologist said that she is well versed in narcotics, but beyond that is outside of her expertise; however, she agreed to give us the referral to the Palliative Care group so we could explore other options. And so, we wait -- the earliest we could get in to see her is the 21st -- one more week.
Then, we wait for a new scan. That is scheduled for the last week of this month. After the scan, we wait a couple of days for the results. Wait.
In this stage of life, there is a completely different perspective that goes along with the second half of Proverbs 27:1 where it says, "for thou knowest not what a day may bring forth." We have to take each day as it comes, and not a moment before. We never know whether we will be waking up to a good day physically for Trent or a rough one. We don't know until the moments arrive whether his pain meds will be able to squelch the pain or if the pain will trump the meds.
We are making plans for our days as best as we can -- always allowing for the unknown. One of the plans we have laid is the starting of school. We are scheduled to start next Tuesday. The plan is to start light -- just three days the first week, and easy days at that; but then the plan is for a full schedule. That may have to change. To be totally candid, it isn't easy to follow through with this particular plan. The thought of adding one more thing (and a big thing at that) to our daily life right now is a bit overwhelming. I have to remind myself to just focus on the next step.
Right now, it is all we can do to plan for Trent's appointments, for work, for church, and for school. Everything else has to be considered 'optional' -- a luxury. It's just the way life is right now.
One of my children let me know this week that life isn't what they want right now. Part of me wants to say, "Get used to it -- That's life!", but I know this season of life hasn't been easy on them, either. However, the reality is just that -- This is life right now, and we can't change it. We can only work on doing the best we can and to keep our focus on God and on what is good. Said child and I discussed focusing on the blessings. He came up with many negatives -- I tried to counter them with positives. Even though some of our days may be rough, there really are so many blessings. God has been providing for our needs. We have good friends who give of their time to help us. We have employers who have been more than understanding. It is easy to look at the negatives, but it is so much more pleasant to focus on the blessings!