Ebb and Flow. That really describes all of life, I suppose; but it is more noticeable during times like this. The ups and downs, highs and lows, blessings and trials, the calm and the stress are all more prominent right now.
This has been quite a week. We met with the Palliative doctor. She was very kind and compassionate. She spent a long time with us. We came up with a new plan for attacking the pain; but with the new plan, there has been a transition time. The transition hasn't been easy. She told us it would take 3 - 7 days for blood levels to increase to where they need to be and then even out. We were hoping for 3 days -- it seems that we're looking at 7 days. About half of last night was spent in the ER trying to get relief.
It is hard to know what to do when it comes to helping Trent sometimes. I want to do all I can to help him feel better, but I don't want to hover. There are times when he will tell me what he wants me to do (or not do). Other times, he is hurting too much or the meds have fogged his mind too much to be able to communicate effectively with me, and I just have to try to make the best decision I can.
We started school this week, too. That has had its ebbs and flows, too. One child plows ahead, one seems to be going along fairly willingly, and one is resistant. I'm praying for some things to level off in this area, too.
Work had definite ups and downs this weekend, too. I was unable to work last night due to being with Trent at the ER. During my Friday over-night shift, we had a guest pass away. Working at a hotel, I've always known it was a possibility to face that at work, but this was the first actual encounter. I wonder if he had a relationship with God.
This coming week is filled with extra appointments again (plus school). Trent has a new CT scan on Tuesday, and we will get the results on Thursday. It is a strange balance to try to strike when thinking about the scans. On the one hand, we try to be prepared for the results -- no matter what they may be. We don't want to have the wind knocked out of us, so to speak, if the results are 'unfavorable'. On the other hand, we don't want to speculate (or worry) about what they may be. We know the results are in God's control. We desire to rest in that knowledge. It is an exercise in faith and trust to keep the mind from wandering too far . . . .
A new week. Both old and new challenges. One day at a time. Ebb and flow. Faith and Trust.