I thought life would slow down at least a little bit with the kids back in school, but not so.
We are definitely back in the routine of school -- uniforms, lunches, homework, etc. I thought I'd have a bit more 'free time' when the kids went back to school, but my days are typically filled. I'm doing projects around the house and working on keeping things 'on track'. After the kids are in bed, my mind is too tired to focus much on writing.
I've referenced before that I have to take things at a different pace than I used to -- I have to be careful to not use all my energy while the kids are at school, because there has to be enough of me left to finish out the day with them. Sometimes, that frustrates me -- I want to accomplish more at each setting, but I have to accept that this is my life circumstance, and I need to make the best of it.
Since my last post, my youngest turned 8 (and his arm has healed nicely). Last year, his birthday was surrounded by all of our transfer-to-hospice events; and those were the things he thought about when he thought about his birthday. I wanted to change that. It wasn't anything major, but I did do a little more than I normally do -- we needed to create new birthday memories. At the end of the day, he said to me, "This was the most special birthday - ever!" I am thankful for new memories.
The kids and I were also able to take a two-day trip to Duluth. None of us had ever been there, and the weather was perfect for our excursion. We were able to visit Spyglass Point, Palisade Head, and Gooseberry Falls. The second day, we were able to see the lift bridge, train museum, and visit some unique shops. It was a good trip.
I know I haven't written much specifically about grieving. Maybe I need to say something about that. I am not denying my grief, nor am I trying to come across as being unaffected by it - as 'having it all together'. The 'experts' will often say, grief is a very personal experience -- no two people experience it quite the same. I would add that each experience for the same person differs from another. Though losing my husband and being thrust into the category of single-parenthood are certainly 'firsts' for me, this is not my first experience with grief. I have lost others who were very dear to me, and I have grieved deeply. Through those other experiences, I learned lessons. Those realities affect how I am grieving this loss. I do grieve. I may just do it a little (or a lot) differently than the next person.
I mentioned previously (Marking Days) that I don't like remembering dates associated with difficult events, but it is a reality - and very much so lately. One year ago, we were experiencing difficult days. We were already under hospice care. Trent had worked his final days at his job. I knew when people called and asked to come visit that they were aware it may be the last time they would see him here on Earth. We were in our final days at home. Some days, I had to remind myself to breathe.
It's hard to believe that it has been nearly a year since the day that I was told we might have only hours left together. . . .
While I cannot prevent those memories from coming to mind, I have a choice regarding what I do with those memories. I could allow my mind to 'park' there; however, I don't believe that would be a beneficial choice. When those memories come, I accept that reality as part of my life story, and I direct my mind to focus on how we got through those days -- through acknowledging God's control over all those circumstances we couldn't control, and thanking Him for who He is and the fact that He never changes. He loves us, cares for us, and will never leave us -- and He has a plan for our lives. That discipline has been key to this journey. The tears come, but they don't stay. Psalm 30:5 -- ". . . weeping may endure for a night, but joy cometh in the morning."
I know of several people now facing difficult days -- some of them, it seems likely may end up losing their spouse. It is hard to see that. It's one thing for me to go through that -- it is another thing all together to watch someone else go through it. Just as for myself, sometimes I can't find words to put to my prayers for them. I am thankful our God knows our hearts, and He doesn't need our words in order to hear our prayers. I know this -- the same God who has walked with me in this journey will walk with them, too. The same peace and comfort and grace and presence that He has given me is available to them, as well. He is ". . . the God of all comfort; Who comforteth us . . ., that we may be able to comfort them . . . by the comfort wherewith we ourselves are comforted. . . ." (II Corinthians 1:3 - 4) God is faithful, and that will never change.
I am thankful God IS who He IS!
Showing posts with label Vacation. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Vacation. Show all posts
Saturday, October 18, 2014
Saturday, July 26, 2014
Pause . . . and Back in Step
I've been absent from my blog for a while. We have had a very, very busy summer here -- so much so that I hardly have time to stop and collect my thoughts.
The summer started with a three-day basketball program that my kids have done now for several years. They look forward to it and always have a great time -- this year was no exception.
That week was also busy with vacation preparations, and the (early) morning after b-ball ended, we left for a much-needed vacation.
Our first day of driving was quite a long one. We had been on the road a couple of hours when my daughter commented to me that this was the first vacation that we were taking with just the four of us being our whole family. (Sometimes she is a 'master of the obvious'.) It was just a simple statement of fact, but that phrase, 'family of four' - has been hard to get used to. I had to take a deep breath before replying to that one. . . . The kids did great on the drive, and we arrived safe and sound. We started out by visiting the Creation Museum. We had heard about it, and the kids were really wanting to go. They enjoyed it greatly. Now, they talk about going back in a couple of years when the 'Ark Encounter' opens. If you have the opportunity to go, you should.
From there, we continued on to Pensacola. I hadn't been back there in 8 years, but having lived there for nearly 7 years, it always feels like 'going home' when I return. We stayed with friends, and had a good visit. I wanted to keep things simple, so I only made 2 promises to the kids for our time there -- the beach and the Naval Aviation Museum. Both were a hit with the kids, and we even made a quick trip to Fort Pickens and they were able to see several osprey on the way. My friend Amy did me worlds of good those days -- she had the meals planned for the week, and she decided our schedule, too. That was such a blessing to not have to be in charge of every minute detail. It was a wonderful reprieve!
After our all-too-short stay in Pensacola, we started the trek home. My kids have heard me talk about Lambert's Café as a great memory from my college days, and I wanted them to have the experience, too. We stopped there for dinner, and then I decided to drive 2 more hours before stopping for the night -- I wanted to make that last day of driving just a little bit shorter.
My oldest got the idea in his head that he would really like to see the Gateway Arch . We were so close that I couldn't really turn him down, so that was our stop before we started the drive for the day. The kids really liked getting to go to the top of the arch. It was a good start to the day.
We arrived home late that evening, and we hit the ground running. We have had one thing after another since we got back home.
We have also had two birthdays this summer. It started with my oldest turning 13! The following month, my daughter hit double digits.
This week was our first week of the summer that nothing was on the schedule, and so we were finally able to make plans to meet up with some friends that we haven't seen in a long time. We walked to the park near their home, and we had not been there even 2 minutes when my youngest fell and broke his wrist. Now, we have several other things to add to our schedule and plans. (Yes, he will be fine. He's currently splinted well, and we should be getting a cast this coming week.)
The facility where I took him is the same place I took Trent initially last year. I hesitated just a moment, knowing that sometimes memories can come on strong and kind of knock the wind out of a person. I couldn't be a puddle of tears when I needed to focus on J's needs. I prayed for God to rule my emotions. I didn't have a problem going in there, but I had forgotten about the family medical history form and the fact that I would have to list his dad as 'deceased' -- that caught me off guard momentarily. I breathed a quick prayer, and the 'moment' passed quickly as I felt God's strength and peace wash over me. What a wonderful God we serve!
We are in full swing here preparing for camp. Since my kids have food allergies, camp means that this mama has a great deal of work preparing their meals for the week. I have two of my three that are old enough for camp this year. I like to go along as kitchen help, and that is the plan again this year. My youngest will get to spend the week with an aunt and uncle and cousins (though he's not sure about being away from me for those days), and it sounds like the schedule for follow-up appointments for his wrist should work out with that being a week we do not have to go in for a check.
As soon as we return from camp, it will be time to get ready for the new school year.
It is rarely a dull moment around here. There is always something needing to be done. Just when I think there's a lull, things - like a broken wrist - pop up.
Through all of our daily happenings, I see God's continual faithfulness and His wonderful blessings and care for us -- even in the circumstances surrounding J's broken wrist. Since we had been planning to be out for the day, we had lunch packed. That meant that the older two did not have to wait until 4 p.m. to have lunch. It also was perfect in the setting. Since there weren't others in the waiting room, the staff let my kids choose the channel on the TV ( and . . . since we don't really watch network TV, they chose PBS). I didn't have to be concerned about what inappropriate content might be on the afternoon talk shows. It is easy to second guess myself these days; and after I found out that the orthopedic clinic has a walk-in urgent care, I wondered if maybe I hadn't made the right choice about where to bring him initially. God gave me reassurance today when I found out that the orthopedic clinic is not set up to do conscious sedation; so if we had gone there, J would have had to be awake when they set his arm (and it did not set easily). I'm thankful God led me to the Urgency Room instead of the clinic.
So, that is a snapshot view of what our summer has been thus far. We are keeping busy, for sure; and continuing to move forward, asking the LORD to show us the steps He would have us to take along this path He has put us on in life. I am thankful for all the things that God has done for us in this journey and for who He is, and I look forward to what God has for us in His perfect plan. God is good!
The summer started with a three-day basketball program that my kids have done now for several years. They look forward to it and always have a great time -- this year was no exception.
That week was also busy with vacation preparations, and the (early) morning after b-ball ended, we left for a much-needed vacation.
Our first day of driving was quite a long one. We had been on the road a couple of hours when my daughter commented to me that this was the first vacation that we were taking with just the four of us being our whole family. (Sometimes she is a 'master of the obvious'.) It was just a simple statement of fact, but that phrase, 'family of four' - has been hard to get used to. I had to take a deep breath before replying to that one. . . . The kids did great on the drive, and we arrived safe and sound. We started out by visiting the Creation Museum. We had heard about it, and the kids were really wanting to go. They enjoyed it greatly. Now, they talk about going back in a couple of years when the 'Ark Encounter' opens. If you have the opportunity to go, you should.
From there, we continued on to Pensacola. I hadn't been back there in 8 years, but having lived there for nearly 7 years, it always feels like 'going home' when I return. We stayed with friends, and had a good visit. I wanted to keep things simple, so I only made 2 promises to the kids for our time there -- the beach and the Naval Aviation Museum. Both were a hit with the kids, and we even made a quick trip to Fort Pickens and they were able to see several osprey on the way. My friend Amy did me worlds of good those days -- she had the meals planned for the week, and she decided our schedule, too. That was such a blessing to not have to be in charge of every minute detail. It was a wonderful reprieve!
After our all-too-short stay in Pensacola, we started the trek home. My kids have heard me talk about Lambert's Café as a great memory from my college days, and I wanted them to have the experience, too. We stopped there for dinner, and then I decided to drive 2 more hours before stopping for the night -- I wanted to make that last day of driving just a little bit shorter.
My oldest got the idea in his head that he would really like to see the Gateway Arch . We were so close that I couldn't really turn him down, so that was our stop before we started the drive for the day. The kids really liked getting to go to the top of the arch. It was a good start to the day.
We arrived home late that evening, and we hit the ground running. We have had one thing after another since we got back home.
We have also had two birthdays this summer. It started with my oldest turning 13! The following month, my daughter hit double digits.
This week was our first week of the summer that nothing was on the schedule, and so we were finally able to make plans to meet up with some friends that we haven't seen in a long time. We walked to the park near their home, and we had not been there even 2 minutes when my youngest fell and broke his wrist. Now, we have several other things to add to our schedule and plans. (Yes, he will be fine. He's currently splinted well, and we should be getting a cast this coming week.)
The facility where I took him is the same place I took Trent initially last year. I hesitated just a moment, knowing that sometimes memories can come on strong and kind of knock the wind out of a person. I couldn't be a puddle of tears when I needed to focus on J's needs. I prayed for God to rule my emotions. I didn't have a problem going in there, but I had forgotten about the family medical history form and the fact that I would have to list his dad as 'deceased' -- that caught me off guard momentarily. I breathed a quick prayer, and the 'moment' passed quickly as I felt God's strength and peace wash over me. What a wonderful God we serve!
We are in full swing here preparing for camp. Since my kids have food allergies, camp means that this mama has a great deal of work preparing their meals for the week. I have two of my three that are old enough for camp this year. I like to go along as kitchen help, and that is the plan again this year. My youngest will get to spend the week with an aunt and uncle and cousins (though he's not sure about being away from me for those days), and it sounds like the schedule for follow-up appointments for his wrist should work out with that being a week we do not have to go in for a check.
As soon as we return from camp, it will be time to get ready for the new school year.
It is rarely a dull moment around here. There is always something needing to be done. Just when I think there's a lull, things - like a broken wrist - pop up.
Through all of our daily happenings, I see God's continual faithfulness and His wonderful blessings and care for us -- even in the circumstances surrounding J's broken wrist. Since we had been planning to be out for the day, we had lunch packed. That meant that the older two did not have to wait until 4 p.m. to have lunch. It also was perfect in the setting. Since there weren't others in the waiting room, the staff let my kids choose the channel on the TV ( and . . . since we don't really watch network TV, they chose PBS). I didn't have to be concerned about what inappropriate content might be on the afternoon talk shows. It is easy to second guess myself these days; and after I found out that the orthopedic clinic has a walk-in urgent care, I wondered if maybe I hadn't made the right choice about where to bring him initially. God gave me reassurance today when I found out that the orthopedic clinic is not set up to do conscious sedation; so if we had gone there, J would have had to be awake when they set his arm (and it did not set easily). I'm thankful God led me to the Urgency Room instead of the clinic.
So, that is a snapshot view of what our summer has been thus far. We are keeping busy, for sure; and continuing to move forward, asking the LORD to show us the steps He would have us to take along this path He has put us on in life. I am thankful for all the things that God has done for us in this journey and for who He is, and I look forward to what God has for us in His perfect plan. God is good!
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