One Year Ago . . .

I am lying here awake again in the early hours of the morning (or the very late hours of the night, if you prefer) and thinking about one year ago.

Thinking about the steps I had to take . . . the conversations I had to have . . . the new path we were beginning.

In some ways, it seems so very long ago, and life feels worlds removed from that.  Yet I remember details very vividly - at least some of them, anyway.

As strange as it may seem, there are aspects where life doesn't feel so dramatically different.  There have been many adjustments, but we have faced them one day at a time - one step at a time.

I realized recently that I've been a single mom for a whole year now.  (Light bulb moment, I know.)  I don't know if I'll ever get used to that designation.  I fall short regularly. I feel that there's never enough of me for all that needs to be done.  I've caught myself thinking, "I'm not cut out for single parenthood."  The reality is, though, that God has put me in this place, and I choose to believe He has a purpose.

I had someone remark again recently that they think I am such a strong person.  I'll share a little something here -- I've never felt weaker than I have the past year and a half.  I am NOT strong.  God is strong . . . and in His grace and mercy, He has strengthened me.

So, I continue in this path, looking to Him and asking Him to make Himself seen through my circumstances.

We have made it to Christmas break and can put away the responsibilities of school for a little bit.  I'm needing this break as much as the kids are, I think.

We will be busy at least for a few days yet -- it suddenly occurred to me that Christmas is actually in just a few days, and I have yet to have a menu planned or groceries purchased.  I'm thinking I should get working on that . . . and other details, too.  :-)

That being said, I might need to consider some sleep, too.

Good night.

Tis the Season

This time of year signals so many things . . .

We have just come from the Thanksgiving season, abreviated though it seems in our culture.  I try to keep a mindset of thanksgiving.  Through all of the changes over the past two years, I still believe with all my heart that there is so very much for which to be thankful.  God is good, and He has blessed us in so many ways, and He never changes -- He has always been and will always be good!

These days are flying by and filled with Christmas shopping, baking, school activities, recitals, basketball games, and programs (to name a few).

I don't know whether it is the mental references from last year or the increased level of activities, but life has taken on a feeling again that the rest of the world is moving at a different pace, and I find it a bit overwhelming trying to keep up with the busy-ness of it all. 

I see struggles in the kids, too.  It started the week before Thanksgiving.  I started hearing references to last year and how different - abnormal - it was.  One of the kids told me that they can't stop their thoughts from playing over and over.  One of them told me that they can't remember what Dad sounded like.  Sometimes, it is the things the kids don't say more than what they do say.   Even all of the 'fun' Christmas events at school are reminders of last year.  So . . .  This year is a little bit weighty.  Next year will be easier.

The most important focus, though, is Christmas -- the true meaning for all of the celebrations.  God became flesh and dwelt among us and gave His life to redeem us.  He is the reason we can have the hope of Heaven.