Slow Steps

Things have not changed a lot in the past few days.  There is no schedule for this time of life - and they tell me that is even more the case with a younger person.  It is just 'wait and see'.    I'm certainly not rushing things.

Trent had quite a few visitors over the weekend.  Some of them, he just slept through the visit, which is fine.

I was supposed to decide today about taking him home or moving him to a hospice facility.  I really felt like it was not the right time to make that decision.  I felt like I didn't have enough to go on to make it today.  When Dr. Illig found out how I was feeling, she said to postpone a decision until Wednesday when she is back at work.  I was thankful for that.

We did discuss, though, the fact that I would like a different Hospice nurse assigned to Trent if we do go home.  There have been a couple of things that weren't the best with this last one; but the biggest factor was that Trent was no longer comfortable with her.  I could work with and around her if I needed to do so, but Trent has to be comfortable with the person caring for him.  It was time for a change.

Trent's confusion remains - I'm guessing it will stay that way.  It varies in intensity and topic.  I wonder if part of it comes from the struggle with and against the reality of what Trent is facing right now.  I am doing my best to answer the questions he has as delicately and as positively as possible.  It is not always easy. When my answers don't satisfy him, he becomes more frustrated and upset.

God's grace is sustaining us through these days.  He strengthens us when we have no strength of our own.  He gives us amazing peace in a time that can feel so tumultuous.  I am thankful that I can trust Him with all of the aspects of life -- all of the things that are out of my control are completely in His control.  I am thankful for God's goodness.